Thursday, 24 May 2012

Remembering Hladini Mataji


“For Hladini, taking care of others was always a pleasure. That’s what she gave her life for – taking care of others.”

Now some time after Mother Hladini left this planet, Vahna, her husband, found this 2 page, hand written letter among other things that he’d kept, like photos , etc.
(reflecting what a great personality she is…)

Dearest Srila Prabhupada,
I beg You, please accept my most humble obeisances at Your Divine Lotus Feet.
I have; after receiving so much mercy, after being rescued from the empty cold platform of material existence, fallen prey to the overpowering illusion that I can enjoy. It’s as if I’ve forgotten everything, a cloud of insanity-”My turn, Krsna.” It breeds from a platform of comfort. Sudama Brahmin could be comfortable and not wish to dethrone the king.
I can’t stand this consciousness. Srila Prabhupada, I want to be a servant-a good one- unconscious of me. Srila Prabhupada I’ve neglected my medicine haphazardly (obviously) thinking- I needed it no more-”How healthy I am-I can relax”. Now I am raging with fever-Embarassed to come back to the doctor due to my disregard for his selfless help.
Please Srila Prabhupada, help me become a serious disciple. Help me go back to a life of austerity, a life of remembering my service I’ve forgotten due to this impure desire. Please let it be gone.
Every second there is a choice: “Which energy do you want????” Maya is so quick to satisfy, but so quick to burn You are not cheap-but how much it is so worth it? Why am I so foolish-stubborn, stupid. Let me hear what You’re saying. Let me follow cent-per-cent. You’ve given me everything- You are my true father. My true deliverer-my greatest friend.
Dear Srila Prabhupada I am the greatest rascal, I only want to become a pure servant. Please don’t kick me away, but give me another chance. I’ll try so hard to be good.
Oct. 13th is Kartika. The gopis worshiped Durga for Krsna as their husband. They ate rice and moong bearns and prayed everyday for a month. Everything I do is motivated, but Prabhupada let me try to offer this austerity to try and gain control of these raging senses. Dear Prabhupada-all I want is Krsna-Please guide me on the right path-I have no desire on my own. You are my strength, my desire.
The road is there straight & clearly marked-though the detours seem easier and more pleasurable- keep my intelligence firm-Thank You. I have this immense loving propensity; let me repose it at Your divine feet.


  1. This letter was from the mid 1970's. And Hladini did follow the Katyayani Vrata that year at Madhuvan in New Vrindavan.

  2. mother rupa ramesvari dasi29 December 2012 at 14:16

    Hladini always has a very earnest sincere need for devotional service: a deep understanding of the great gift of mercy and grace that it is. And a deeply warm respect for all devotees and aspiring devotees. Always trying to fan the fire of devotional service for anyone in her association. She would use every means to constantly try to develop and improve her Krishna Consciousness practice. Writing letters to Srila Prabhupada, and to Lord Jagannatha and Lord Balarama was one of the methods she often used in her most prayerful states of humble sincere aspiration for devotional service.